I realize I am a bit late posting this entry so I ask for your apologies. I’m sure the wait must have been painful; for I am also sure you all hang on my every word. Alas, my latest addition to my collection of writings is here. As I promised a few weeks back I will post the final draft of the short story I submitted to my professor.
Before I get to that I would like to take a moment to reflect on my slowly fading time here in Australia. I will be home in less than twenty days, and with that will come an end to this blog. I hope, through my writing and photographs, I have been able to give you at least a small taste of Australia. I promise I will do my best to achieve a strong ending to this blog through my final entries.
Without Further ado here is my story. Enjoy.
The Indian Pacific
The last time I traveled between Sydney and Perth it was in the opposite direction. I was about to start university. In fact the ten year anniversary of that trip will be next month. I wish I could say that I was still filled with the same vigor I had in those early days, that I still got the same thrill from looking out the window at the infinite red landscape. Instead, I’m feeling smothered by piles of unfinished treatments, not scripts just treatments, in this damn minuscule compartment.
I wasn’t producing anything. I moved to the city, hoping to find inspiration. Instead, I found walls, giant grey monstrous constructs, and the living dead, completely reliant on coffee to keep their hearts beating. Even my overpriced apartment was nothing more than four walls and it was becoming hard not to notice the heap of Starbucks cups accumulating in the rubbish bin.
When I got a call from an old mate from university about a job opportunity I had to take it. He was looking for writers for the pilot episode of a new series he was working on in Perth. He even offered to pay for my train ticket. So here I am in a private cabin on the Indian Pacific, still restrained by walls. Even the steel titan rushing through the infinite red landscape can not break free from the tracks and roam free.
My mobile phone began to ring. I looked at the number and to my surprise it was my father. We haven’t talked much since I left for university. I answered the phone curious and a little nervous.
‘Hello?’
‘Your mother passed away last night . You know she’s been in the hospital for the last month. It seems after years of fighting, her body finally lost to the cancer. The funeral will be held in two days. You should probably start making travel arrangements… oh and have a speech ready.’
‘I’m on a train headed for Perth right now. I’ll get there on the morning of the funeral. Can you pick me up from the station?’
‘Sure. Say a prayer for your mother’
I sat down in the arm chair in my cabin and stared out the window. For a long while that’s all I did. I must have looked as though I was catatonic, but as my body was still my mind raced furiously. My body started to tremble and tears rolled down my face, I couldn’t sit any longer. I couldn’t handle this right now and if I sat any longer I was going to snap. I glanced at my watch. It was noon so I decided to get some lunch.
The food was fine enough. In fact, under any other circumstance I would have been quite impressed with the quality. But not today, today nothing had much taste. It occurred to me I needed something stronger. I made up my mind to go to the lounge once I had finished my meal. At the very least, it would be better than spending the entire day in my cabin.
When I reached the lounge I headed straight for the bar, ordered a whiskey sour, and found a lone seat. I finished the first drink rather quickly, and the second, and the third. I decided to nurse my fourth drink and stared out the window. I notice the bartender was a bit stingy with the alcohol when pouring the fourth drink, he probably was hoping I would not make a scene. In his defense, so was I. About half way through the fourth drink, memories of my childhood flooded my mind.
I worked relentlessly trying to find my place in school. At different times I was involved in school produced plays, the literary magazine, the yearbook association, I even tried out for a sport or two at my fathers urging. I remember the way his face lit up when I told him I was trying out for the cricket team and then how the glow disappeared the day I was cut.
I wasn’t completely unsuccessful in my search, but it became increasingly apparent to me that I did not belong there. My parents picked up on this and when I expressed my plans to move to the city they were both very supportive, in fact it seemed they were aware I would leave home before the idea had even formed in my head.
What I did find, though I never intended to, it was a love that remains to this day as my one and only true love, a love sure to embrace and comfort me on my worst days. That is my love of movies. Rather it was comedy, some deep narrative on human nature, or simplistic escapist fantasy, I could always drift away from real life in a small town for about ninety minutes and become absorbed in the colors and sounds of another place and another time.
My mum and I were very close. My father and I got along fine enough. I mean, I loved him and he loved me, but we never really connected. He was an old country boy, always had been. He loved action movies, but that was about it. We were able to enjoy Mad Max, because, as he put it, Mel Gibson was badass. Other than that our taste in movies was as far apart as any aspects of our personalities.
He grew up in the Northern Territory with two older brothers on a cattle ranch. He was content with the pure joys of wrangling cows and hunting with his brothers and his father. It was there that he met my mother. When they got married they moved into a tiny apartment. It was arranged that if they moved to Perth, closer to my mother’s family they would receive some financial support. They knew it was the best decision, as they were planning to start a family.
My reminiscing was interrupted when I noticed a woman had walked in and was heading in my direction. The sole purpose of picking this seat was to ensure that I would be able to drown my sorrows in relative privacy. I vowed not to look up from my drink or show any sign that I recognized her presence. As she passed by the smooth silk of her sundress brushed against my hand which was resting on the arm of the chair. Curiosity got the better of me and I looked up.
I watched her pass and take a seat some two meters away from my own. Despite more pressing concerns, her beauty did not escape me. But, it was her face that intrigued me. She wore a large smile, but it was forced. Any attempt to conceal her emotions was betrayed by her eyes. Though the redness was now only a pale pink, it was clear she had been crying. She had not even bothered to fix her makeup which had begun to run beneath her eyes. I did not expect her to say a word.
‘I’m waiting to see some motorcycle gang appear and try to hijack the train.’
‘Huh?’
‘The landscape… it’s like something out of Mad Max.’
‘Oh. Ha-ha your sure right about that’
‘My name is Lauren, by the way. What’s yours?’
‘Brock.’
‘So Brock, where are you headed?’
‘I’m headed to Perth for my mum’s funeral.’
‘God, how awful. You have my sympathies.’
‘Thanks, that’s very kind of you. How about yourself?’
‘My husband recently passed away. We had been living in his parents’ house after they moved into a retirement community. Well, his family and I had always had a rocky relationship. So, when he passed I decided to travel around Australia for a while looking for a place to live. I’m actually considering moving to Perth.’
‘Funny, I’ve been thinking of finding somewhere new, myself. Maybe I’ll just jump off the train at the next stop and wander into the bush.’
‘It sounds like your running from something, mate.’
‘No, just looking for something.’
‘Well, you’ll never find it out there all alone’
I took the last sip of my fourth whiskey sour and looked at my watch.
‘It’s been nice talking with you Lauren, but I need to start writing my speech for the ceremony.’
‘See you around Brock. Once again you have my sympathies.’
I returned to my room and almost immediately I began feeling smothered again. I cleared a space among my mess and put pen to paper. There it remained still. Hours passed and my hand barely moved. I passed on dinner and continued my struggle to get a single thought onto paper. By eight o’clock I still had nothing. I decided to call it a night. My mind was still distraught as I drifted off to sleep.
My eyes opened to a peculiar scene. The cabin was different. Nothing was where it should have been, but I was mostly concerned about the red light seeping through the window blind. I pulled it to one side and stared at the landscape rushing by and disappearing behind the train faster than normal. I looked down and to my astonishment the train had come off the tracks. The train continued to hurtle forward into the infinite red space until the landscape became nothing more than a blur.
I should have been horrified, but an aura of peace filled the cabin. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be swept up by it. When I reopened my eyes the cabin was back to normal and dark except for the digital alarm clock which read 2:30 A.M. and the light creeping under the door from the hallway. I struggled to make sense of the dream, but exhaustion overtook me before I could make any progress.
When I awoke in the morning I could still vividly recall my dream. But, within moments reality sunk in and I knew I was still on a train headed for my mum’s funeral. I went back to work on my speech, but still nothing came to me. Noon came around and I left my cabin to get lunch. The meal looked excellent, but once again nothing had much taste. As I sat and stared out the window I felt myself longing to be in the train of my dream, hurtling into that infinite red space. To my surprise, I also felt myself longing for something else, the company of Lauren.
The rest of the day past painfully slow. It was spent replaying memories of my mum in my head and fighting to hold back tears. It went on this way until dinner and than it was back to the lounge and my search for some comfort at the bottom of a glass. When I arrived Lauren was sitting in the same seat I had been in the night before. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I made my way over to her.
‘Could I buy you a drink?’
‘That would be nice. By the way, how is the speech going?’
‘Honestly, it’s not. I can hardly write a word.’
I made a trip to the bar and returned with two martinis. A smile spread across her face. It seems she was pleased with my choice. She gingerly took her drink from my hand. My body tingled as her soft skin of her hand brushed against mine.
‘There has got to be something you can say about your mother.’
‘Sure, but it’s hard to put them into words. I’ve spent so many years away from my family I’m not sure I want to confront my past, especially like this.’
‘Why’d you leave?’
‘I didn’t fit in where I grew up. I was young and had some romantic view about leaving on my own and beginning an epic journey. Turns out I don’t belong where I live now either.’
‘That’s only because your journey isn’t over yet. A journey is only ever complete once you’ve returned to where you came from.’
Right then I knew what to write. This beautiful woman with sad eyes also had a keen mind. Within minutes of talking she was able to see the core of my troubles. She was able to express what I had struggled with for years. I didn’t want to leave I could have continued talking to her forever, but I could not waste this moment of perfect clarity.
I said good night to Lauren and went back to my room. I put pen to paper and the words started pouring out. Among all the amazing times it was one seemingly unimportant memory that stood out in my mind. It was a Saturday night and instead of going out with my mates I went to the cinema with my mum. We saw some awful movie, I can’t even remember the name, but afterwards we went out for ice cream. We sat in the diner for hours talking about the movie.
Then it occurred to me that must have been the night. That was when I first fell in love with movies. Over the years my love had been tainted. I looked to movies as an escape. When I first fell in love it was because of their ability to bring people together. Those massive grey walls that were the cause of my horrible claustrophobia were put up by me. Somewhere down the line my journey had been interrupted and soon it became an exile. I had isolated myself, but now it was time to return.
I fell asleep that night with my mind at ease. I was only awoken in the morning by the ringing of my mobile phone. I fished it out of my pocket and saw that it was my father calling.
‘When do you think you’ll arrive at the station?’
‘I should be there in an hour.’
‘How long do you think you’ll be staying?’
‘About that. Would it be o.k. if I stayed at the house for longer than I originally planned?’
‘Of course it is. What for?’
‘Well, I was thinking about looking for a place of my own. If this television pilot is successful I might have a good steady job for a while. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m coming home.’
My father didn’t respond immediately. I could only imagine what a shock this must have been for him.
‘Dad, you still there?’
‘Yeah, I’m here. I was wondering when you would finish that journey of yours. It’s about time.’
I made sure I had all my belongings together and was ready for a quick exit when the train arrived at the station. From a distance, I saw my dad in the crowd. He looked older, but he had somehow managed to age more gracefully than I had. I waved my arm to get his attention and our gazes met.
We embraced for the first time in nearly a decade. I felt no urge to hold back the tears coming from my eyes. As we parted I realized he had been crying, as well. What a scene the two of us must have been. He spoke first.
‘Welcome Home. Your mum would be happy that you’re here.’